What I've Learned From King Arthur Fanfiction
by weaselsdontfly
Summary: Tired of the same old story being told over and over again? I'll probably have sarcastic commentary about it somewhere in here.


Things I've Learned From King Arthur FanFiction

1. Not only is time-traveling possible, it happens on a regular basis.

2. While time-traveling, apparently a common location to end up at would be in Britain, no matter what country, let alone continent, you started out in.

3. There's a surplus of beautiful women lying around in dungeons just waiting to fall in love.

4. Luckily for this surplus of women, all the knights (except Bors because he has Vanora and he's not one of the more attractive knights) have a fetish for starving, unbathed women.

5. Vanora owns the tavern, even though it was very rare for women to own a business, particularly one like that.

6. All the knights like independent women. It obviously doesn't matter that women were supposed to be timid and submissive in those times.

7. Many women are trained to be assassins. They'll probably fall in love with Tristan or Lancelot right after they try to kill them.

8. Tristan and Lancelot obviously won't care that their lives were just threatened, instead they'll be suitably impressed by the woman's mad skillz.

9. All the knights will be impressed by a woman who rides into battle with them. Apparently, a hard life of fighting for a cause not their own is a good way to bond.

10. If Tristan isn't dating a hardened warrior, he'll definitely fall for someone who's been raped. Something about their helplessness and the rebounding spirit they'll display will capture his heart and tame it. Especially since they'll get along with his hawk, and everyone knows Tristan asks his hawk for relationship advice.

11. Really, how many ways can you change the spelling of Isolde? And is it really necessary?

12. Tristan gets surprisingly talkative with those he loves, even though he's almost completely silent with the men he's lived with for most of his life.

13. Saving Lancelot and/or Tristan in the last battle is a good way to make them love you. Let's ignore the fact that Lancelot displayed a fatalistic attitude and wanted to die in a battle of his choosing. And, well, Tristan is Tristan. Is he really going to appreciate having a woman save his life?

14. Arthur does indeed have a sister, but her name is probably not Morgaine.

15. Even though several legends will come true for the other knights (Tristan will find Isolde, Lancelot might meet someone named Elaine, etc) Arthur will definitely not have sex with his sister who'll give birth to Mordred. That's just gross.

16. Guinevere is evil incarnate. How dare she sacrifice her happiness by marrying a man she just met so that she can take on the noble deed of uniting their people? That bitch!

17. Galahad's whiney. I mean, the kid's just been dragged from his home at a young age, forced to kill for a living, had to watch the only family he had die one by one, and then he's told on the day he's supposed to finally be able to go home that he has to risk his life once again. I just can't imagine why he'd be upset. What a whiney brat.

18. Many female OCs have apparently been trained for battle by their dear departed father who desperately wanted a boy.

19. Time-traveling OCs will have an uncanny ability to be able to ride into battle and come out alive despite their lack of training.

20. Not only will they come out alive, they'll have no problem with killing people. (What IS Galahad's problem? If the OC can do it, he should be able to do it!)

21. Arthur obviously won't have a problem with having women fight for him, despite the time period the movie was set in and his culture.

22. Arthur's VERY forgiving. In fact, he's so forgiving he won't care if you try to kill him. He'll probably trust you with his life from that point onward, he's so trusting.

23. All Lancelot needs to tame his womanizing attitude is some serious backsassing from someone other then Vanora.

24. If there's a Sarmatian woman she'll either be Lancelot's sister from the beginning or some childhood sweetheart of his.

25. If she's Lancelot's sister, she'll probably fall in love with Gawain because he wanted a Sarmatian wife.

26. If Dagonet falls in love, the woman will save him during the ice scene even if she has no fighting skills. She'll be the only one smart enough to pick up a shield and go protect him.

27. Guinevere is a physical example of the type of girl the knights would love. Even though skinny was hardly the attractive thing back then, not to mention she was just being starved in a dungeon.

28. If you like animals, Tristan is your soul mate. If you like drinking, Lancelot is your soul mate. If you discuss the pros and cons of religion in your free time, better believe Arthur is your soul mate. If you know herbal lore, Dagonet's your soul mate. If you have an innocent air about you, Galahad's your soul mate. Gawain's soul mate category is much to small, seeing as no one knows if they're Sarmatian these days...so Gawain will love anyone and everyone.

29. Bors has a face only Vanora could love. But he'll probably take care of female OCs as if they were his own children.

30. No one's allowed to die. Ever. Even if no one loves them, they'll be saved by the OC. 


End file.
